


Excuses

by pontaii



Category: ACCA13区監察課 | ACCA 13-ku Kansatsuka
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comfort, Cute, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, One Shot, Other, Reader-Insert, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23629501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pontaii/pseuds/pontaii
Summary: It was thanks to the train incident in Rokkusu all those years back in your childhood that you got to meet Lotta for the first time.You never really had to question your friendship with Lotta, there were little quarrels between you and her, though your child self couldn’t imagine that years later in your teens you’d partake to question this friendship, but in a way that made your heart beat differently.//reader is gender neutral here so all and any can read •^•)👍
Relationships: Lotta Otus/Reader
Kudos: 1





	Excuses

**Author's Note:**

> Gotta encourage you put on some lofi beats in the background if you wanna set a mood, but this whole thing is a mood in any case–

It was thanks to the train incident in Rokkusu all those years back in your childhood that you got to meet Lotta for the first time.

There wasn't any conversation the very first time you saw Lotta.

Your Auntie stood next to you in line next to all the other people who'd lost someone close to them in the accident, who were exchanging the smallest of talks and looks with a white-haired man you never wondered to catch the name of.

You could clearly remember your now only relative squeezing your hand tightly, some words of reassurance coming from her lips. While you were young, you were not young enough to be entirely clueless of why you were to stand here, some camera-men standing further off as well.

But even in these circumstances, you were a child and soon started rocking back and forth in boredom, much to the dismay of Auntie who tried to stiffen you as it was internally inappropriate. You kept your act up, stiffening only out of curiosity as the catch of gold fluttered in your peripheral vision.

The girl you later grew to know as Lotta was sticking out like a sore thumb, if not for her brother beside her, she'd probably be the only one with such clear foreign features. That wasn't entirely bad, not bad at all, feeling drawn to the unknown and the blue of her eyes as they peered back at you from her spot in the line. Even if just for a moment.

Of course, your child self didn't stay too interested even in her, as it seemed you two would never get to interact again, nevertheless play hide and seek or any other childhood game with her that you and any other child fancied.

Especially, since you'd be moving to the Bādon ward. It didn't take much for Auntie to convince you to live in Bādon with her, having mostly accepted that you couldn't meet with your parents anymore. Though coming to terms with it was far easier than comping with it.

As summer came and passed, the next school years started and Auntie had already made sure to enroll you into one of the Bādon's schools. She wasn't sure at first though, seeing as you had slipped into a too early depression that no child should face, but the hope of you finding joy in kids your age made her proceed.

As you had spent most of the summer alone, not seeming interested in making any friends, this new school and the other kids around you were entirely foregain.

Except for Lotta.

The first day was a bit awkward, but thankfully only at the beginning of the day. As you had joined an already existing class with an open slot, a lot of the children knew each other but not you.

So you had to go through the teacher standing you up in front of the class, proudly announcing your name and that you'll be the new addition to their class.

"Do you have someone you want to sit with as we start the first lesson?" The teacher had leaned down to your level, waiting as you scanned the class.

And you nearly passed her, but the gold in her hair stood out even in the brightly colored classroom.

"Yeah," you pointed in that direction, a bit timidly as you didn't know the blond-haired girl's name yet.

The teacher immediately ushered you closer and soon you were seated next to her.

Your mood had changed to something close to nice and joyous, "I saw you! At Rokkusu I think, you were there with your brother I think! What's your name?"

And being children, a 'What's your name? Wanna be friends?' strategy worked wonders, bringing both of you very close very soon.

The day of your parents' death disappeared more from your mind the more time you spent growing up with Lotta, her always cheery attitude contagious, and soon you had involuntarily locked those bad thoughts away as you pursued a good childhood and the now coming teenage years with a spoonful of sugar.

You never really had to question your friendship with Lotta, there were little quarrels between you and her, though your child self couldn’t imagine that years later in your teens you’d partake to question this friendship, but in a way that made your heart beat differently.

* * *

Now present you stood knocking at the door to Lotta's apartment, the very top in the luscious condominium complex that you wished to live in some day just from the first visit you were there.

"Lotta!" You called through the door a bit more impatiently now, the textbooks shifted dangerously in your hands, nearly rolling out of your hands as you knocked a bit more.

The time it took for the door to open was quite a bit, you even thought Lotta must be out in the city again. She'd been skipping some classes, though innocently enough if that could be believed. But you didn't doubt that running the so-called condominium "Celebrity Mansion" could be a lot of work.

So as you usually did, you didn't mind riding the elevator up a few stairs to study with Lotta and catch her up with the things she'd missed that day in school while studying yourself as well.

Thankfully you heard shuffling inside and the door was soon opened for you, though you still stepped inside immediately you were aware that it was Jean at the door.

"Is Lotta out right now?" You asked, looking around a bit surprised really, not thinking your guess could be correct.

"No she's here, in her room and I suppose needs some time to get ready, you do come awfully early," Jean yawned, yet still managed to smile a bit as he took some of the books from your hands and walked deeper into the apartment.

“Take your shoes off and come in,” there was no masking that you woke him up from how he yawned as he said so, but he was polite about it if anything.

Doing just so, you followed him inside and trailed slowly behind him. He set the books down on the table you and Lotta usually studied at. Saying your ‘thank you’ to him, you watched as he cuddled up into his orange blanket and gave you a tired wave that you took as ‘no problem’ before he disappeared into his own room next.

Dropping off the rest of the books, you rapped your hands on the wooden door to Lotta's room.

"Are you up and ready yet?" You asked cheekily as it was Lotta's idea to study early, yet she rarely managed to wake up at her own set time.

A muffled approval came from the other side nearly immediate, the lock on the door flipping as Lotta opened the door, clearly just woken up but had gotten presentable in a hurry as her hair was combed and her signature blue outfit was on but the bed still looked ruffled and the curtains were drawn when you stepped inside. A bit uncharacteristic even if Lotta was someone to sleep in, she usually was adamant about everything being neat for others to see.

Lotta smiled still and pulled you into a hug, giggling a bit as she spoke, “You’re so pretentious with coming so early! Sleeping in would do you some good you know?” She touched your face where you usually had your signature look of gray lines under the eyes of not sleeping enough.

“And a good morning to you too,” you playfully sighed, taking her hand away from your face gently, Lotta’s face still showing some sleepiness as you stepped farther into her room, “And I did sleep in today if that delights you.”

Pulling open the curtains, the light of morning sun hit you hard in the eyes, lighting up the room behind you and giving you an idea as you spun around, “Why don’t we study in your room for a change?” You blurted out immediately

From the doorway Lotta thought a bit before agreeing, ”I’ve had enough back pains from bending over backward in our dining chair anyways,” she hurried out of the room, her voice nearly escaping your ears before she came back just as soon with the handful of textbooks.

“What have we got here,” she took to skimming them over once they were dropped in a big pile on her bed, a bit of a serious expression on her face.

“You did miss an entirely new subject in math,” commenting, you adjuted a few out of place things in her room - mostly trinkets, cute stuff that quite fit Lotta. You’d been in her room enough times to tell what was misplaced in a hurry, but it felt nice to be in a place you knew quite well.

Lotta gave a slight sigh, though there weren’t as many textbooks to be skimmed through as usual which was nonetheless an unspoken relief between the both of you.

Lotta had already settled down in her bed, covers pulled up a bit over her and the math book in hand as she beckoned you to join, smiling as she did so, “Better start explaining these then, I hope you understand these correctly not like that other time where I figured it out faster than you.”

She still teased you for that time as you flopped down beside her, the covers going up and over your head, with the both of you squished together around the math book on her not very wide bed. You took a breath and started reading out all of the new theory for Lotta, soon immersed in some complicated examples as a sense of time slipped from both of you.

* * *

“I think I’m going to have a headache,” Lotta rolled over onto you, whatever book she was holding falling off the bed as the both of you laid unmoving and completely tired.

Running a hand through Lotta’s hair absentmindedly while she rested on top of you, because that’s what friends do, you took account of the time. Nearly four hours had slipped by as you two had rummaged book through book, though in the last hour studying was increasingly harder to do each minute, the room feeling too hot under the blankets.

“I don’t wanna move,” you groaned out in some form of agreement, stretching the last syllable, feeling a bit distant from all other feelings.

If it weren’t for the stuffiness in the air then you’d probably call this a relaxing heaven, the sun had hidden behind the clouds but it was still quite warm as you lay below your friend, the heart of body temperature enough and quite comfy.

After some time in silence you felt Lotta lazily roll off of you, “I’ll go grab us some iced tea,” she said a bit sleepily and for a second you thought you two had actually fallen asleep, but as the handles on the clock hadn’t moved much that wasn’t the case.

You listened as Lotta softly padded out of the room, taking some time before getting enough will to rise from the comfy home of Lotta’s bed as you first visited the mirror she had in her room.

A bit red in the face from the heat, your hair in all directions as your own self stared back at the you in the mirror, “I look beat,” you commented while trying to do something to control your hair, before giving up promptly as you ended up joining Lotta in the kitchen afterwards.

As you took a seat at the table close to Lotta it was clear that she still looked more presentable than you, or at least had fixed herself up a bit while preparing some snacks alongside the already ready ice tea which you took to sipping slowly, soon after sprawling out on the table, still tired from not moving in a while. It was quieter than usual but while you couldn’t put your finger onto it, it seemed somehow appropriate for the now cloudy day.

Lotta took to your side soon with a plateful of snacks in hand, “Why don’t we eat out on the roof area? You seem in dire need of air to clear that head of yours.”

You received a small elbowing in your sides and you didn’t even have proper time to yelp at it as Lotta hurried out to the rooftop area where Jean usually took to smoking. It would’ve been an actually perfect place to dine but no tables was set out there as of yet, so as you approached the see-through door that led right to the rooftop, Lotta was already busy setting the plates down on the ground - in that there weren’t any means of concern, Lotta wouldn’t put food anywhere if the area wasn’t clean enough for it.

Sliding the door open a gust of wind hit you immediately, though it wasn’t entirely cold and held some warmth it still ran a chill through you and you ended up running and sitting opposite of Lotta, the plates of food between you and to your right a good view of the city down below. The wind picked up while you two ate, getting lost in the view below soon enough before another breeze hit a bit more coldly.

“We should head inside,” you murmured as you slowly stood, the sky you were watching growed a bit darker, yet still the sun shone in strongly from time to time and it was really no telling if you were in for a nice afternoon or a storm.

Though you grew more convinced to start heading inside when you had gotten up and touched Lotta’s arm for a second to help her up and found it colder than your own, “We’ll catch a cold Lotta.”

“Let’s just watch for a bit longer,” she took a few steps to the railing and peered down into the cityscape.

Even seeing your little lack of willingness to follow right suit she smiled, “Come here, we can keep each other warm,” she extended a playful yet childish invitation that you couldn’t say no to.

As your hands wrapped around Lotta’s waist it felt colder, not warmer, yet only for a split second. Though as you took a proper stance a bit behind yet next to her, feeling her hand on yours on the railing, the world soon turned warmer as your head rested on her shoulder. For the time being, you understood how everyone thought of their home district the most beautiful, though your eyes often wandered from the city down below to the eyes of your friend who often stalled glances back.

You didn’t exactly know why but you enjoyed this moment, maybe because this is what friends do.

Though soon enough as the first raindrops hit your head you had to let go from Lotta as both of you took a few steps back, eyes upward as the downpour started seconds later. The next few minutes followed in a blur as the both of you stood soaking wet inside, the plates still outside on the rooftop as Lotta provided enough towels for both of you.

In the end, Lotta ended up taking a hot shower while you were given the one night robe that fit you to compensate for the soaking wet clothes now drying somewhere. The evening sped by in this hurry and soon you were calling your Auntie to tell you’d be spending the night at Lotta’s so not to get even wetter if you were to run home.

The couch was very much a sore thing to imagine sleeping on while you still weren’t exactly dry, so you ended up next to Lotta in her bed, this time actually feeling how small it was for two people to be laying in at once. The rain had still shown no sign of letting up when you fell asleep next to Lotta, feeling just a bit uneasy as you did.

* * *

A particularly loud thundering woke you up, your whole body jolting awake forcefully so much so you thought it was a nightmare that woke you, but as the sound of rain hitting the window entered your ears you dismissed that idea. You sat up upright, your eyes blurry from what you thought was sleep.

The sound of rain was the only thing you heard for a while as your eyes were locked to the window where from time to time flashes of lightning lit up the sky and the dim room around you. As your heart started a calmer beat and you were about to lay back in bed, your ears picked up a background noise you were hearing all the time but dismissed.

Small, muffled sobs, coming ever so present from your side.

“Lotta-” in one movement you were leaning above her, heart drumming fast again as your intruding thoughts rushed to the worst kinds of scenarios you didn’t think you’d ever think of.

“Are.. you okay?” Your body felt frozen as you took away the blankets hiding Lotta from your view, not sure what to when Lotta’s tear-streaked face came into view.

You couldn’t have predicted this yet you still felt like you needed to say something, your hand wiping at her tears carefully and in slight disbelief, bending even closer down to her, ready to ask if she was okay again - which she clearly wasn’t but your brain was stuck on getting some form of an answer - when she finally spoke.

It was a bit choked out as Lotta bit back another tear, and the sound alone hurt you in some way as you listened, “I just can’t understand..”

“Understand what?” You were quicker with an answer this time.

“You. I know you don’t.. don’t mean anything bad but you didn’t seem exactly..”

Another whiny sob escaped her and you were quick to wipe it away, concern enlaced in every part of you.

“You seemed so happy yet you always feel distant- whenever I try to be closer to you I feel you just pull back as if you’re making up excuses for what you do as.. as if you’re wrong to feel in a way,” it was Lotta who reached out for your face again and your foreheads touched.

You didn’t have an answer ready as Lotta continued, “I remember the day you confided me about the Rokkusu incident, I know you felt still hurt and I know you were locking that away as if it was your fault, but you took my hand that day and it felt like you were finally okay with that part of you, but as you said that “you’re a great friend” I know you still felt responsible, and now every time I approach you it’s like my presence is a burden to you I-” her voice broke as she tried to ramble on.

“Lotta- it’s okay,” your hands held her head gently, a bit like she was made of glass as the chant of ‘this is what friends do’ pushed onto you now heavy with the truth of what Lotta had laid on you.

You didn’t have a verbal apology as nothing seemed right at this moment. It was just excuses that your mind ran through and you knew Lotta was sick of those and you were scared of them by now.

As your heads were already so close together your eyes found it easy to lock onto Lotta. Her eyes, her lips, and the tears she made that broke your heart because now it was your fault, so without excuses, you kissed her.

It was a kiss that lasted a second and you pulled back as if to apologies but knew you’d not forgive yourself if you did, so you kissed her again and a bit longer this time until Lotta’s hands pulled you in deeper and you didn’t need words anymore.

Her presence against you was soft and nothing like you imagined on the lonely nights as you thought of a different kind of friendship. Now draining these thoughts you lost yourself in the moment and in Lotta’s eyes. The tension eased and each of your hands rested more lightly on the other.

You broke the silence first after the two of you had laid for a while just gazing at each other, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I guess.. I love you?”

“Don’t guess, I know I love you too.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well... this is my first ao3 fic so, if you enjoyed it let me know! I'm already having friends, acquaintances and enemies alike critique this so if this didn't suit you, let's hope my next work will have more improvements :)


End file.
